zOwie Omega Discussion Forum

Memo To All Members of "PROJECT 2001"

First, I would like to thank all the members who signed on to Project 2001 back in 1980 for their hard work and perseverance. While we have finally achieved our goal of a method to transport ourselves forward in time from 1980 to the start of the next millennium, the project has not been without disappointments.

1. The original project time line of 2 years ended up dragging out to 20 years.

2. The new millennium failed to be as advanced as predicted. So our hopes of an easy solution to return to 1980 have been dashed.

3. An unforeseen side effect of the process is that all members of the team have aged approximately 20 years--leaving even the youngest members of the team the equivalent of 40 years old.

4. Because of the inability to reverse the process and travel back to 1980, all team members are advised to begin to acquire new clothing to better fit in to this time period. Pay special attention to the odd use of Earth tones, narrow collars, ties and lapels, low heeled men's shoes, and short men's hair styles.

5. While our process of time travel is easily described and reproducible, the US Patent Office has rejected our patent application for "A Method Of Time Travel At A Rate of 1x +/- 0.0001%" as insufficiently unique.

6. We have attempted to communicate to the team members that bravely stayed back in 1980. The counter-temporal radio beacon we built could at best send only an extremely short message. By unanimous vote, we chose to send the words "Buy Microsoft."

Again, thanks for your work and support as we attempt to adapt to this strange futuristic world.

Derek
Project 2001 Team Leader