zOwie Omega Discussion Forum

Wives who know nothing about watches, and are even more perplexed by this bizarre little hobby, generally have no idea what is in the collection or how they got there. One thing they "do" know however, are bank accounts and financial situations. So here are some standard answers to wives, when pressed for details. The more watches you have, the better it works so start collecting!

"That's nice, is that new?"
"No, I've had it a long time. Do you like it??"

"I don't remember seeing that one. Where did you get that?"
"I traded that old vintage one to Derek Ziglar."

(Any common names will work in this situation. Derek Ziglar, Keith Downing, Chuck Maddox etc. Someone overseas like Derek Duncan is particularly useful. She knows these people exist, but has no idea who they are or where they are.)

"I thought that watch had a black face."
"Well, it did. I had it redialled."
"How much did that cost?"
"Nothing. The black dials are worth more than the blue dials, so they do an even swap."

"Honey, what's this $1,200 cash withdrawal?"
"I have absolutely no idea." (This is a very temporary solution obviously. She will look into it. But it buys you time to come up with a good answer for having been so stupid to be caught off guard.)

"Honey, did you remember what that $1,200 cash withdrawal was for"?
"I was hoping you would'nt notice." (Women believe men to be inherently stupid so she'll buy this explanation.) "I've got one word for you. Christmas!" This works up to about October 15th. It gives you time to come up with a really good lie before Christmas, or a chance to juggle some numbers etc., and pray she forgets about it, which she won't. But no matter, you're happy with your new watch.

"Is that the same strap?" (Still annoyed over being so stupid as to get caught on the money issue, generally snapping back is the best solution.)
"Geez honey! Do you actually pay attention to anything I'm interested in!?!" She will assume there is some deep meaning for your upset, and immediately forget the brand new Hirsch carbon fiber strap.

***Remember, these are just some helpful hints. I have not copyrighted the foregoing, so feel free to use them. Also, be creative! Feigning injury is also very useful. When asked a question while you are off guard, double over if seated, grab your side and say, "Oh God, what was that!?!" If you're called into another room where she is examining one of your watches and asks, "Have you always had this?", pretend to sprain your ankle as you turn the corner into the room. Sit down, grab your ankle, and rub it. Adding something like, "Sorry honey. I broke my ankle in a high school football game once, and it's never been the same." Not only will she feel guilty about having called you into the room in the first place, her love for you combined with genuine concern, will make her forget about the watch.

You see, it's all smoke and mirrors, slight of hand, an illusion. Like any good magician, it takes practice, practice, practice!!

Good luck!