Nic:
sorry that this happened to you. I have always considered you to be one of the "good guys"; I have nothing against "dealers", and actually admire the folks who stock the inventory, take the killer photos, share their knowledge, maintain the websites, and are honest all along.
You raise numerous issues, all of which are interesting to disucss. I had one lucky "BuyItNow" ($1,500 Monaco, on original bracelet), that got busted up by another ebay bidder. To make things worse, he was a member of this community, and someone who I had helped in acquiring another rare watch at a nice pirce.
In the end, I raised hell -- with the seller, with ebay, with PayPal, with American Express, and -- most importantly -- with the gentleman who had interfered with my transaction [yes, seller let his name "slip" into one of our conversations, and he was only a phone call away]. I drafted the complaint, to be filed in court, for intentional interference with contract, and in the end, he sent me the watch.
I probably wasted a dozen hours securing this watch, but I was determined not to let this interference happen.
We can all disucss other aspects later, but I wanted to jot this quick message to let you know that I'm sorry to hear that this happened. I always tell myself, "it's a hobby, and it's supposed to be fun".
Jeff